I'm not feeling very enthusiastic or excited about work these days, but I know I will have a nice long break from it in only five months. Maternity leave will be a welcome change of lifestyle for me, as it was the last two times. Every now and then I get really restless for a change, and I know I'm lucky--so few people ever have the opportunity to leave their job for a whole year. I know that next year will be a LOT of work for me and that doesn't bother me at all; it's the change I'm looking forward to.
I think my current lack of enthusiasm for work also has something do with not being able to keep up with all of the other work I need to do at home. My theory is that as general life chaos increases, one's enthusiasm for work (outside the home) decreases. It's difficult to focus. A former GM of my company once said (10 years ago I'm sure) that to be completely productive at work, the socks in his dresser drawer had to be in order. That stuck with me for some reason. I guess because it rings true for me. I'm also disappointed that a big project I was looking forward to working on has been delayed until late this year or even January, so I'll probably be working on the same old stuff until I go.
I'm feeling less than thrilled with our house right now. It seems too small and too cluttered. I'm envious of larger newer homes, but I really don't want to move. I certainly don't want a bigger mortgage. I know we can live in this house, I just have figure out how to reduce or organize the stuff that's taking up precious space. For example, I can't walk through my house without tripping on shoes. Shoes are driving my crazy. We need to put them somewhere, but where?! I need to do something about this soon, because as it is, I don't think there's room in our house for five people's shoes! And that's just one thing that's bugging me about the state of our house right now.
I'm looking forward to meeting this new little person I'm carrying. Sometimes (like Tuesday evening), I'm quite certain that having a third child is complete insanity. Most of the time, however, I have no doubts about it. It may not always seem like the most rational decision, but in my heart, it's the right decision. It won't be easy, but we can handle it.
I'm never really happy when Neil is staying at the farm and I'm on my own with the kids, but harvest is a fact of life for us and I'd like them to get it overwith--the sooner, the better. I'm cautiously optimistic that this year's harvest will bring some badly-needed income. If it doesn't, we're going to be in big trouble when my income is reduced by 50% next year. I don't want to think about that though. There's really nothing I can do about it right now except try to cut back on spending, but so far I can't think of much to cut back on. (I did learn this week that there's a big market for renting out garage space to people who need to store their boats and such. I wouldn't mind doing that for extra money. Heck, we haven't parked in our garage for over three years anyway! We just need to clear out some stuff and I've been wanting to do that for a long time.)
Finally, I'm wondering what to do about Sophia's tantrums and demanding behaviour. I've read a bit about temper tantrums this week, and I think I need to determine what triggers her anger and frustration and what I need to do to curtail or minimize her tantrums. I also need to figure out how to deal with it when she's having a tantrum or making demands. She doesn't act so badly every day, so I wonder what makes one day different from the next? This week is a good example. Tuesday was horrid while Wednesday was just fine, but there was one big difference--Bronwyn was at our house Wednesday evening and the girls had fun together the whole time. In other words, Sophia was busy--not bored--and didn't want my attention every five seconds. Yesterday was so-so; Sophia had an hour-long tantrum at Sharon's and then another when we were leaving, but was pretty well-behaved at home. It seems so unpredictable, yet there must be some common conditions. Well, this is a topic that requires a whole lot more thought, and probably its own post.